Wanted: Some Awesomely Hip People to Pose With

From "Letters From Kamp Krusty":

Married White Male seeking Awesomely Hip People to do church activities with.

Ideal candidates will represent all races, to make for cool group pictures, and will be, without exception, slim in build.
MWM was told that joining non-traditional church community was merely joining hip, cool people who think alike.
Which reminds MWM: Ideal candidates will think alike. Please.

As it is, MWM realizes he's doing the Jesus-community thing on the Island of Misfit Toys. Some have diagnosable, or diagnosed, mental problems. Granted, this includes MWM himself.

No one in the community has an iPhone.

MWM is not even sure anyone owns a messenger bag.

Please help, as MWM looks around and sees no one who's not currently dealing with emotional issues, chronic health problems, social handicaps, financial crises, or just general messed-up-ness.

MWM doesn't mind guessing that his church-mates are fouled up. MWM accepts it in theory, quite easily. MWM just wishes he wasn't able to match the specific problems with the specific people. MWM wishes others couldn't match MWM's specific problems with MWM's specific self.

MWM notices "worship band" is not awesome, and has occasional issues. "Band" on Sundays, includes teens and pre-teens, and everyone brings instruments, and if there are any more, we'll be able to march in formation and spell stuff. ("BUY US TUNER" might be first formation.)

MWM notes ragtag misfits keep attracting other ragtag misfits for MWM to befriend, some with ping-pong tables. And "ping-pong" starts with "p" and that rhymes with "p" and that stands for "ping-pong fights."

Hip, relevant churches do not have all-church ping-pong fights. They go on awesome missions trips and minister to people and buy stuff and make cool videos, and there are no all-church ping-pong fights in the videos.

Come to think of it, MWM wouldn't mind one-hour guarantees for worship gatherings, and impacting, hilarious, relevant teaching that hits him right where he lives. And, please, no little kids acting like little kids. And no dogs. And, above all, smoother transitions.
MWM notes gear-stripping transitions, especially when someone butts in with a scripture that didn't tie in to the last song. MWM feels jolted.

MWM seeking more resolution, more victory stories, more feelings of collective accomplishment, more coffee-shop discussions of post-modernism, more studies, less messy confessions, fewer people crying, fewer awkward moments, fewer apologies, fewer family issues made obvious, and fewer personal questions to MWM.

Mostly, MWM seeking very exclusive small group of just himself, only cooler.

Article:
http://branthansen.typepad.com/letters_from_kamp_krusty/2007/09/wanted-some-awe.html